What to Expect from your High Conflict Ex in 2018.

They are going to try and control you.

They are going to try and control the time you spend with your children.

They are going to try and manipulate you.

They are going to try and manipulate the time you spend your children.

They are going to try and twist your words into something you didn’t say and/or mean.

They are going to make a court application.

They are going to write horrible things about you in an affidavit.

And they are probably going to say awful things about you to your friends, neighbor’s, colleagues, dentist, doctor or anyone else who will give them air time.

Sounds horrifically depressing, doesn’t it?

But it’s not.

Well… it is, but it doesn’t have to be.

You keep trying to rationalize with someone who isn’t rational.

You keep trying to fix yourself so your Ex will change.

You keep hoping that the next nice gesture you make will stop all the attacks and insanity so your kids can just be kids.

What you’re doing hasn’t worked up until now and I promise you, it won’t work in 2018 either.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result.” Dr. Phil

Your Ex is not going to change.

It doesn’t matter what you say, how you say it or if you add sprinkles on top.

Your Ex is not going to change.

But you can.

You can stop defending yourself against their atrocious attacks and manipulations, it doesn’t matter what you respond with anyways because nothing you say will change their perception of you and you’ll just fuel their attacking fire to keep going.

You can remove all emotion from your emails and communicate strictly about your child/children without any emotional wording. This is easier said than done. Try it.

You can stop trying to provide insight in your communications with your Ex. One of the tell tale signs of a high conflict person is that they lack insight. If you try to give it to them, they will spin-doctor your words and turn it around on you.

You can stop giving your opinion in your communications. They didn’t care about your opinion when you were together and they certainly don’t care about it now. In fact, if they hear a personal opinion from you they’ll likely say NO just for the sake of saying NO.

You can keep your emails to 4 sentences or less. Anything longer and the likelihood that an emotion, an insight or an opinion has found it’s way into your email goes up exponentially.

You can stop trying to stop their behaviour. It won’t stop. You can only stop your reaction to it.

You can choose not to believe the attacks and lies and insults and cruelties in your Ex’s emails. You are triggered because a little tiny bit of you is either afraid someone of it is true OR that someone else might believe the lies.

You can choose to have someone else read your Ex’s emails. Reading your Ex’s emails continues the cycle of abuse – they got into your head while you were together and now that you are living apart, they continue to get inside your head. It’s time to sever that abuse and control.

You can choose to parent your children with your morals and ethics while they are in your care and let go of the control of what happens while they are in your Ex’s care.

You can be your children’s safe place, their shade when they need a hug/downtime/a good cry/a place to feel unconditional love.

Ready to learn more about what you can do to manage your high conflict Ex in 2018? When Parents Can’t Be Friends Online Course will give you all the tools you need to communicate more effectively and take back control of your life.